Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize