remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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