the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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