remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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