So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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