I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize