you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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