Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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