my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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