I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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