god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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