anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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