If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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