hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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