i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I AM VODKA MAN
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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