Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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