Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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