totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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