You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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