i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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