here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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