I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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