her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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