The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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