I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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