We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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