I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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