i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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