turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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