did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
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so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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