My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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