Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize