I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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