i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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