Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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