I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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