He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was like eating out sand paper
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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