And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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