I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize