I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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