Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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