i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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