i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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