You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize