Please, let me fuck your mom
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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