All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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