Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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