I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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