If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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