mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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